I love puppies

I admit it, I'm not against exploiting my puppy to pick up men. I know, you're judging me, but there have been studies done on it and apparently it's pretty effective. I even wrote an article about men using cute animals to pick up women while I was in college. A psychologist I interviewed confirmed that babies work just as well... but I imagine that's only if the baby isn't yours. But please don't kidnap babies to impress girls. Abduction and seduction are like oil and vinegar... they taste delightful with garlic toast but make a terrible analogy. I've been described as "quick-witted" and/or "sassy," but the fact that I told you that in a fashion that is neither quick-witted nor sassy is now giving you doubts to its truth. Regardless, I'm hoping to find someone to match wits with. I guess it doesn't matter how clever you think you are if the person you're with doesn't get your humour. Also, I will work you at air hockey. I'm not even kidding. Seriously guys, I'm like undefeated.